So yeah - still not completely back on track yet - but I am gettin' there. Managed to lose a pound and a half this week - I will take it.
Basically I think I am having an "early" mid-life crisis - ha! If that makes any sense. It's not all weight related either - that is a big part of it but I just wake up everyday and I am just so completely bored with my life. My job is the WORST! I'm not ungrateful, I know I am lucky to have a job but I hate it more than anything else in this world. It is so boring and I feel like I waste so much of my life sitting at this desk wishing I was anywhere but here. I have disliked jobs before but this is beyond disliking at this point - I just don't care, don't care about the status of the compay, could care less if the place closed tomorrow, I would actually be extremely relieved! Don't care about the people I work with, I find myself cringing when one of them walks up to my desk - I NEED a change but the problem is I don't want to just go work in another office - I WANT something different!!
I am happy at home but even there I find myself pissed off at the same daily shit - go home make dinner, eat, clean the mess, do bathes, laundry, ironing, exercise, shower, go to bed - all in about 4 hours time - I don't sit down until I go to bed ... its the same thing EVERY. DAMN. DAY. ... I am just getting so tired of it! I love my kids more than life itself but I find myself being so crabby with them lately. I sit at a job I hate all day long then I come home and work my ass off again - clean the house, they turn around and destroy it - so what is the point??
I'm just tired - worn out - and my diet/exercise has taken a back seat because of it. I hate what this blog has become - its turned into a place for me to bitch and moan and this is so not how I am. I am the one who is always happy and trying to please everyone else and lately I just want to be left alone.
I cut the grass yesterday and I sweated my ass off - it felt so good! I really do crave running, I love to sweat, it makes me feel powerful and like I actually accomplished something.
I have to get back to work - I have a million envelopes to stuff - woo friggin hoo ...
Next post will be positive - I just have to get this shit out of my head or it is going to explode!