Thursday, January 5, 2012

Patience is a Virtue!!

Lord if that statement isn't true I don't know what is, especially when it comes to weight loss ... I am so ready for this weight to come off I literally feel like I have a "fat suit" on and I just want to take it off already. My clothes are fitting tightly and I am just uncomfortable and I've got that spare tire feeling going on ... I look in the mirror and I just want this weight gone NOW!!! ... You know what I mean?  I know if I am just patient and stick to my guns this weight will come off but being patient is so friggin hard!

I have been so blessed with a wonderful husband who has never once complained about my weight, never made me feel unattractive but I just don't feel attractive and it puts me in a bad place - like when he tries to hug me or touch me I just feel like I don't deserve it or like I just don't want him to do it because I feel gross - does that make sense? I definitely don't feel sexy at all with my thunder thighs and jello belly so the fact that he even thinks about "gettin' it on" with me doesn't make sense to me - but of course I want him to want to... ha ha I am making no sense - I'm just trying to make a point that this extra weight affects so much of my life - it makes me crabby because I don't feel confident, it makes me not want to be intiment with my husband because I feel disgusting, it makes me uncomfortable at work because my clothes are so tight I can't breathe, it makes me someone I am not because I don't feel like I can be myself. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin for once!!

BUT! I am not going to sit here and have a pitty party for myself and cry about how miserable I am. Instead I am going to take the anger I have within me for letting myself gain the weight back, for bringing back all these insecurities, for making myself miserable and I am going to take it out in my work outs. I so wish I wasn't at work right now because I would be running my ass off - literally. I am so far beyond letting this weight control my life any more. I am going to be 30 years old and I refuse to live another decade unhappy with myself - this weight is hindering me from being the best wife, the best mother, the best friend, the best daughter, the best PERSON I know I can be. I know I am a good person, I just want to feel like a good person and I don't right now. I can't stop thinking about how tight my pants are on my ass and how you can see the fat on my thighs through my pants right now ... and I'm over it! I want to be a strong, CONFIDENT woman and I am not going to stop until I get there!  No piece of cake, cheeseburger, slice of pizza, candy or taco is going to get in my way this time, I have my eye on the prize and I am going after it full throttle! WORD! =)

I am so sore today and I love it! Just from running too, I am surprised how much my sides are sore, I knew my legs would be but I can hardly twist or bend over because my sides hurt so bad ...but I love every minute of it because its a reminder that I am moving my body again and that I am going to do this. I can't wait until my blog is a SUCCESS STORY and I can be an inspiration to someone who may really need it. I want to thank Hilary and Kari for always commenting on my posts and showing your support - I have started and stopped several times but you ladies are always there to encourage me and welcome me back =)  Thank you!!!

Well I must get some work done today so until tomorrow! 

1 comment:

  1. WELL said Sam! All of it totally makes sense, and I feel the exact same way, ESPECIALLY about the intimacy part. It's hard to want to take your clothes off when all you really want to do is layer on as much as possible to attempt to hide the "ugly".

    Your blog has always been a favorite of mine, and one of the first ones I started reading back when I really started into my own journey. Your humor and no nonsense way of telling it like it is is so refreshing! I'm SO glad you're back... and I know you will do it! I can HEAR the determination in your voice.. even through Blogger!