Friday, April 13, 2012
I stayed home from work because I just needed a day - I truly believe there are just times when we need to take a day. I still kept the boys home and I actually did some much needed housework but I got to sleep a little longer and it felt good to stay in my pajamas all day.
Anyways, back to the emotional part. The husband is mad at me and not speaking to me, this will be day 3 of the silent treatment (I know real mature right? This is what I have to deal with). The problem is I am not even really sure what I did. He came home Wednesday night in a pissy mood (this happens A LOT) and I guess I got pissy back to him because I am just tired of dealing with the MISERABLE man I live with! He is very unhappy with his life right now but he is unwilling to do anything to change it. I am not going to go into details because it's his life and I don't want to expose all of that on a public blog. But his misery is leaking into our lives and even if he wants it to or not it affects the whole family.
So yesterday I was at home and just upset about the whole thing and just looking around at all that needs to be done around the house and thinking about finances and yada yada - the list goes on, and all I wanted to do was eat. I even thought to myself you need to find something else to do to stay out of the kitchen. So I did, but still I just kept thinking about what I could eat and what sounded good. It got to the point where I got dinner made, the boys and I ate and then I cleaned up the mess, got everything put away and turned out the lights in the kitchen and told myself to NOT go back in there.
I know food is a comfort tool for me. I know certain things remind me of my childhood and flat out - food makes me feel good! Not when I am done and feel like I can't walk but I look forward to good food. Seriously something as stupid as knowing I have something good to eat for lunch will change my mood for the day - BOGUS!! ... So pretty much I need to find a way to deal with my emotions, whatever they may be; happy, sad, bored, pissed, lonely ... instead of EATING.
How do I stop using food as an emotional crutch, when that is all I know? How do I change the way I deal with things? ... Do I acknowledge it when it is happening and try to refocus on something else - like exercise possibly? I could probably run pretty fast when I'm pissed off! Doing some Zumba when I am bored instead of snacking on junk food. Actually talking to my husband even when he is being a stubborn b-hole and not speaking to me, telling him how ridiculous I think it is that after 10 years we can't just talk things out.
I need to find another outlet. Have any of you found another solution to emotional eating???