Ok, I know I am big, I know what I weigh but it still REALLY SUCKS when people point it out to you, especially when it is someone you're not really close to (yet).
So this weekend the husband and I went out to dinner with a couple we have been hanging out with recently. My husband works with this guy and we have started hanging out with each other's families. They have 2 kids around the same age as our's and it works out pretty well. However, we are not at that "comfortable" stage where we are super cool with each other say what is on our minds. We are still in the "oh we don't mind, whatever you guys want" stage, lol - I hate this stage by the way!
So anyways, back to the story ... We had a few cocktails and were at their house sitting by a firepit (this was a kidless visit) and just joking around. Somehow her and I got on the topic of where we like to shop and found that we both love Lerner New York - she tells me that about 90% of her clothes are from there and she has about 20 pairs of pants in her basement that are "way to big for her" that she wore while getting rid of her pregnancy weight. She said they are just collecting dust, but you are welcome to them if you would like them. I tried not to, but I immediately got quiet and felt disappointed - not in her, because she was just trying to be nice. Disappointment in myself because I am just so sick of being in this position. It's funny I know how big I am and I know what I look like, but I like to think I can "hide" it and other people don't really see my size. Mainly because loved ones like to make you feel better and say - You're not fat! You look great! and they kind of get your confidence up and then BAM! you get smacked with something like this and you realize people DO see how big you are. I think the saddest part of all is the sizes she told me the pants were wouldn't even fit me anyways - they are too small. So maybe I should actually be flattered she thought I could fit into them - either way I am so sick of being "the big girl" ... I want to be the one offering my "way too big clothes" to someone else!! Just for once I would love to not feel disgusting in my own skin.
Sorry for the Debbie Downer post - just had to share and get it off my chest ... I don't want to use this experience as a way to sulk and feel down on myself. I want to use it as motivation to get this weight off and tell her to shove her "fat clothes" up her ass!! ... Not her literally because she really is a sweet person and I truly do not believe she meant anything mean by what she said ...
F U Fat Clothes!! I'm done with ya!