1. People always tell me that I look tired. (WTF is up with that?? I don't care if someone has bags under their eyes so big they look like they are about to swallow their eyeballs, their hair is so effed up it looks like they are trying to copy one of lady gaga's newest "styles", or they fall asleep mid sentence like a narcoleptic freak - YOU DON'T TELL PEOPLE THEY LOOK TIRED! Maybe I think I look like hot shit today but you just ruined that by basically telling me I look like shit - in a nice way.)
2. In the movie based on my life everyone fell asleep, because they were bored and TIRED!!! =)
3. Typically, I end up regretting making baked goods for "someone else" because you know big momma's bout to throw down on that shit!
4. I always ask to leave off the.... Have you seen me?? I don't ask to leave off ANYTHING - When they offer something "loaded" I say YES annnnnd Thank you! How did I get fat again?!?
5. Kim and Kanye really are a HOT MESS!! I wish both of their mouths were wired shut!! Through The Wire ...
6. My Parents always reminded me never buy name brand shit, being cheap is cool!
7. Every single day I shake it like a salt shaker.
8. This one time in College I told my parents I was staying at my friend's dorm room when I was really shacking up with a guy who was 10 years older than me!
9. My grossest habit is being able to fart like a man. (shit happens!)
10. My latest white lie was telling a "friend" she looked great in her leggings and knee high boots.
11. I know all the words to a lot of Eminem songs, that's right I'm a soccer mom who loves her some gangsta rap. Woot Woot! Holla!
12. When I grow up I want to marry an old rich ass man with one foot in the grave! Anna Nicole Style baby!
13. Sexy time is .. I'm sorry, I'm married - I do not know of this "sexy time" of which you speak???
14. I will never, ever get back together.
15. I think it's hilarious when my 6 year old is getting a lecture from me and nonchalantly says "Hey mom, let's play the quiet game, 1, 2, 3 go!"
There you have it. Today is day 5 of the mothah freakin' cleanse and this bish is down another pound for a total of 6 lbs down. Holla!! and its FRIDAY, FRIDAY ... It's a good day - go hug a tree!