I haven't blogged much lately and mainly it's because I have kind of been in a "dark place" lately. I'm just not happy with myself right now and some things that are going on with my life so I've been a bit of a downer.
Even though I haven't been blogging, I have still been reading and commenting from time to time. I love reading blogs to get ideas, to see how others are doing and to just escape from my life for a little while and look in on someone else's. Most of the time you get some good recipe ideas or maybe a craft idea for the home but everyone once in a while a post comes along that slaps you right in the face and is exactly what you need to hear. I like to think that God has his hand in some of those occasions and today I think he was lookin' out for me!
I'm sure most if not all of the people who read my blog know of Mama Laughlin - who doesn't really?? She is a funny, outgoing, she kicked weight loss' ass and she keeps it real. Today she got serious and said some things I really needed to here - if you are struggling with weight loss then go check out her post today.
What she said rang so true to how I have been feeling lately. I have been bitter. I have been angry. I have been a hard person to be around. It is no one else's fault but my own.
I am angry at the person I have become. When I look in the mirror I don't even know who I am looking at any more. Being angry doesn't solve anything though, it just makes me a bad version of myself. I have to accept what I have done to my body and I have to move on. I have two choices. I can change the way I live and make improvements towards living a healthier, happier life. Or I can stay the same, do the same things and continue to be miserable.
Right after I read Brandy's email a co-worker handed me a story she had been given through email of a friend she went to college with that is dying of cancer. The story spoke about how they had Christmas in August because she will not be here in December and how they are celebrating her daughter's 8th birthday this weekend because Mom won't be here in February for her birthday. She made a video for her daughter giving her advice and telling her how much she loved her and different things she wanted to say to her that she won't be able to say in the future. At the end one of the guys videoing said - What do you want Abby to know about being a mom. She replied - Keep your cool, it will be tough, it will get hard but always keep your cool. I have snapped at you and taken out my anger for this disease on you and you did not deserve that. So remember no matter how hard being a parent gets - always keep your cool!
After reading that tears starting flowing down my cheeks while I was sitting at my desk. I have been losing my cool a lot lately with my boys because I am just in a miserable place and a lot of it has to do with how I feel in this body that I now have. I feel tired, I feel weak, I feel gross, I feel unacceptable - and I have been taking those feelings out on my family and they don't deserve that! I am lucky to not have any disease or sickness that is going to take my life - I know tomorrow is never promised but I know there is no disease taking my life at this moment in time. I need to accept who I am now in this very moment and live my life to the fullest and be a person people want to be around.
It is time to accept it, deal with it and move on. Life is too short to live it being angry.